Another Sunday in, mainly because I’m going down with a bit of a cold and the best thing to do is pack yourself full of vitamin C and flick though the TV channels in the warm.
Vitamin C is the only one you can’t take too much of, correct? So I suppose it is the nerd of all vitamins because of that, but also the most immediately beneficial. It’s hard to know whether to loathe Vitamin C for it’s happy-go-lucky attitude as a drug, or hail it as the King of vitamins for helping us avoid and get rid of common colds.
I’m sure ‘C’ gets a lot of stick from other vitamins for being a bit of a hippy, with other big guns like ‘A’ and ‘B’ playing a probably more crucial role overall in making sure our bodies operate correctly and being powerful enough to have too much of, but ‘C’, as the humanitarian of the group, probably answers back that it is the most famous and widely taken as a supplement. It’s no doubt a prickly war of words in the vitamin world, but it’s probably not in C’s nature to get too boisterous, seeing as it is essentially a nurse used in times of struggle and illness, and therefore used to difficult patients and obnoxious people who aren’t feeling their best. That is a nurse’s duty.
Does Vitamin B even exist? I’ve got a bottle of multi-vitamins here and the main ingredients are A, C, D and E. Further down the list we’ve got some B6 and B12, but no pure B. Maybe B is so powerful that used in it’s purest form it would harm us, or perhaps it’s so powerful that taken straight it would give us super human powers like Spiderman and therefore it’s not released by the government? I think that this is undoubtedly the case, anyone who suspects anything different is a fool.
I think to be a real player in the vitamin hierarchy you’ve got to have been subscribed a letter. Look at ‘A’ – he kicks butt. D and E and pretty powerful too. C has the fame, even if you can guzzle as much of it’s unpotent goodness as you like without having any detrimental effects. The ones further down the chain (on my vitamin bottle) are then just elements, like Zinc, Iron and Magnesium. Then you’ve got ones that I don’t think are elements like Calcium and Iodine. These are just SUBSTANCES though, aren’t they? Correct me if I’m wrong. These are natural. What is a vitamin?
How do you go about making a bit lump of D?
Let’s hope there is never a new holocaust, but surely if there was the best thing to do to people would give them enormous amounts of vitamin A or D, about 58,000 times the RDA, every hour, and see what these devilish but necessary-in-moderation vitamins do to the victims? Surely there is a good chance they could develop super powers and then crush their oppressors by covering them with a large web spun from their finger, and so it would also make a new holocaust more sporting.
Sorry to make a joke about the holocaust. I realise that I am not Sasha Baron Cohen and so making light of such things will not get me worldwide praise and lots of people clapping wildly at the Comedy Awards as happened last week when he did the same. Oh to be Sasha Baron Cohen.
I think we should organise a vitamin World Cup and see if the popularity of C could take the crown off probably more important and powerful vitamins (but ones with far less press) like A and D and E.
I think it’s also time that all the B6’s and B12’s of the World got together in harmony and made an all-powerful B team. Being called the ‘B team’ is rarely a good thing in sport but seeing as B already has two teams already, admittedly minor ones, then surely it can only benefit?
That’s me for today, please make up your own quite poor and random jokes about Vitamins if you want this entry to be longer, but I need to rest and take plenty more ‘C’. And just to emphasise: I do not find the holocaust funny or even fit for satire and anyone that thinks I do is worse than Hitler themselves and probably responsible for the prostitute murders in Suffolk. So don’t write in and complain or you will go straight to the top of the Police’s list of people they want to “rule out of their enquiries�.
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