I made a meal today and cut up a clove of garlic. I’m not a very good cook, but I like doing stuff with a clove of garlic because I know that trick of smashing it with the flat side of a knife to get all the skin off which always makes me feel like a bit of a chef. I am simple.
Anyway I’ve yet to get the smell of garlic off my fingers, despite having washed them many times. Does it seep into the pores or something? It is making the simple pleasure of picking my nose very unpleasant indeed.
It’s not even that I particularly appreciate garlic being in the meal I was making. I don’t have a very good palette and find different flavours hard to identify, especially as I tend to eat very quickly and without much thought to what is being lost down my neck. I get quite bored of eating after the first few mouthfuls, and also seem to loose my appetite very quickly once I’ve started eating, and therefore it’s a good idea to get as much down as possible in as shorter time. I am something of a farmyard animal in that respect.
So why bother with ingredients like garlic? I don’t generally even season my food with salt and pepper, and so it seems that bothering with garlic is completely unnecessary, which indeed it is. But I like the preparation of food, of putting ingredients (often far too many ingredients) together even though I probably wont experience much benefit from this when I’m woofing it down ten minutes later. I suppose I like the idea of trying to create something that will excite my taste buds even though this is generally not the case.
I couldn’t even tell you what garlic tastes like, but if it’s anything like it smells like I don’t know why I, or anyone, would bother putting it in their food. People say ‘I love garlic in my food, I can’t get enough garlic’. People are garlic nuts.
Wasn’t garlic one of those products used in the middle ages to season the horrible meat they had to eat back then? It’s the same with salt, isn’t it? It doesn’t explain why we’re still using it though, in the age of best-before-end dates and sealed packaging. We don’t need bomb shelters in our back gardens anymore because there’s a very small chance of the Germans wanting to bomb us again (never count them out though, never) and so why do we need garlic?
If you love garlic, please write in and tell us why, as well as describing what it tastes like.
Vampires famously hate garlic. They hate any type of seasoning, vampires, because they are excellent chefs and have the same philosophy that many top restaurants when they refuse to put salt and pepper on the table, because the food has already been correctly seasoned by the chef. Vampires hated the ignorance of people who kept loads of garlic hanging all over the house to ruin their food with and would steer clear of such fools, getting so angry if faced with garlic they would literally smoulder and die.
Here’s a thought… All kids hate healthy food, right? Jamie Oliver has proven that to us. Kids will physically vomit if shown a stem of broccoli. So if you’re having trouble with young hooligans in your area, perhaps you’ve been robbed or abused, then why not simply hang a string of carrots, mangos, sprouts and runner beans over your door at night before retiring to bed, safe in the knowledge that no teenager will ever come close to your house, and would turned into a smouldering pile of sports wear if they tried to get through your door.
Still can’t get the smell of garlic from my fingers… If a vampire attacks me tonight I will literally give him the finger. I’ll do a one fingered salute in his fearsome face and he’ll flee like a drenched cat.
Honestly, what gets the smell of garlic off? Not soap. I’m never cooking with it again. My beautiful fingers… will they ever be fit to rummage around in my nose again?
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