I was thinking today about the opening credits at the start of films, and how we are unaffected by them, despite basically be told that the whole thing is an illusion and fake. The opening images, which are there to be mood-setting and draw us in, will immediately be interrupted with words like ‘Paramount Pictures presents…’ which is just saying “Before we begin, we’d like to point out that this is the work of a studio. A massive company who’s job it is to churn out these films, and gather more money from the sale of cinema tickets, DVD sales and rental than was originally spent on their production, thus resulting in profit� That is what it is saying.
‘A Jerry Dumper film’. This is saying “And look, everything you see is directed by this man. Look at what you’re watching, he decided that. Look at the view of the house you’re seeing now, he said it should look like that. He might have had a director of photography actually frame the shot, but he’s generally told him what he wants. And all the people who speak in this film, he’s told them what to say. So… think on.�
‘Brad Pitt’. ‘Julia Roberts.’
“Ha-Ha! Why do you even believe the people you’re watching are real? You know they’re only Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts pretending! You’ve seen them in other films too, so how can you think they are real in this? And they’re two of the most famous people in the world for chrissakes, they’re on the covers of magazines, they’re super rich, so why do you think they are a pair of eighteenth century farm workers in this? You know Brad Pitt wasn’t even alive in the eighteenth century, so it doesn’t make any sense!�
And then the title comes up. “And this is the name of the film. It’s just a film. Not real, unless it’s a documentary by Michael Moore or that bloke who ate McDonalds all month and then felt unwell. It’s just all make believe.�
Then it continues through casting agents, editors, writers, sometimes for up to two minutes into the film when it’s really got going. Every single visual and line of dialogue is carefully designed to sell you an experience, to make you emotionally invest in the film, but at the same time every credit flashed up sets about dismantling that illusion.
Only happens with films. You don’t get that in the theatre. A play doesn’t start with the curtain opening on a drawing room set, a woman looking out of a window at the rear of the stage into the garden, whist a man enters and says “Ah, there you are Alice� before another man pokes his head around the side of the stage and says “Psst! Over here! Right, you see those two on stage? There names in this are Alice and David but they are only the names of the characters. Their actual names are Lucy and Donald, and they are actors. You might recognise Lucy, she was in The Bill once. And Donald had a small bit in Emmerdale which he keeps going on about.�
Then the woman on stage pulls up the window blind and more light comes in. “Psst. Me again. Right, see that light coming in there? The way it got brighter? Well that’s not actual sunlight, that would be impossible seeing as it’s eight in the evening and we’re in a windowless theatre. No, it’s just a large stage light behind the set there, up in the roof. It’s operated by Bill, the lighting man. He’s up the back there, can you see him? Turn around and have a look. He’s waving, do you see? And talking of the set…�
The man marches out onto the stage and pushes Alice out of the way. “Look at this, it’s not a proper house at all, it’s just made of plywood and painted to look like plaster. Look, I can make it wobble. This is designed by a woman called Ann Stoke. She’s a professional stage designer, which is to say she designs the sets on stages, not the stages themselves. Come on, think now people, how would there be an Edwardian drawing room in this theatre? It’s impossible, seeing as the theatre itself was built in the 1960’s. And later, in the second bit, this is a garden! How can it change from a house to a garden? It’s all just fake.�
That would be a rubbish way to start a play, and yet we do a very similar thing with films. Just have the credits at the end, what’s wrong with that? People who’ve gone to the cinema to watch a film, or rented one, know what it’s called and who’s in it. They don’t need to be reminded at the start.
Up until about the sixties, films had all their credits at the start, huge great lists of credits, and then at the end it simply said ‘The End’ and that was it. Which is the same as saying “Right, show’s over, bugger off. Nothing more to see.�
Some comedies, in the 70’s mainly wasn’t it, had a bloopers reel over the end credits, showing all the times the actors did it wrong. Which is funny and adds enjoyment to the credits, but of course is just saying “Ha-Ha! Of course it was only a film, see how many times they messed it up and started laughing!�
They should have a bloopers reel on all films. Films like Philadelphia. Tom Hanks there, looking a bit ill, it’s all a bit tense and emotional, and then he forgets what he has to say and so swears a lot and then microphone comes down into shot and everyone laughs. That would lighten the mood after a heavy film. Just a thought.
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