This Blog sometimes feels like a job. A rubbish, unproductive and, uniquely in the world of jobs, one that I don’t receive any money for, but none the less a job. Ironically, as it takes me about half an hour a day to do, it takes the same amount of time as my actual job, because stand-up sets are generally about that length. I don’t have to drive anywhere to write this Blog, so it that respect it’s an easier job, and I don’t get to swear as much doing this job because The Echo would tell me off, but it’s pleasant that my two jobs can both be completed in about an hour of the day.
Also, I like the ying and yang of the two jobs. With stand-up comedy, I spread the gift of laughter, making people’s dull lives temporarily sunnier, and then with this Blog job I make people irritated at my arrogant opinions and outspoken, poorly conceived arguments – it darkens people’s day, especially when they think of other things they could be reading. In a strange way they compliment each other, making sure any tiny positive influence I have on the world around me is cancelled out by a tiny negative influence, meaning I can safely say I have no influence what so ever.
None the less, there is no news at the moment and so The Echo are doing a piece in the paper on Wednesday to ‘celebrate’, if you like, the first anniversary of this site. I started on the 2nd of August last year and it’s frightening to think how much worthless nonsense I’ve published on the World Wide Web since them, in a gesture of supreme ego and arrogance, but there we have it… it’s newsworthy. I was quite disappointed that The Times, The Guardian, Time, and Harpers And Queen have chosen not to do articles on the first anniversary of this Blog, it does (so far) only seem to be The Liverpool Echo, but that’s a start. It also has nothing to do with the fact that The Liverpool Echo host this Blog on their site, and therefore doing a feature about it essentially advertises their online edition, absolutely nothing, they have chosen to do an article because someone not doing a proper job and having the spare time to write 1,000 words a day for six people is big news. It is. It is news.
So I did an interview about it on the phone today where despite saying lots of self-depreciating things will make me out to be an arrogant idiot because that’s what happens whenever I’ve been interviewed. I could say “I am lower than a fly on a bit of dog dirt� but it will read as “I think a massive gold sculpture of my brilliant face should be planted in the centre of town, or in every town, for people to enjoy and worship�. This is what happens.
I then had to go down to the Echo offices to have my photograph taken. I could only laugh as the photographer took a load of snaps and then looked through them on the small LCD screen, looking concerned and thinking there was something wrong with his camera before realising I was indeed the most unphotogenic person in the World. You see, that is true but also a self-depreciating thing to say. In an interview that would read as ‘McHale states he is far better looking in photographs than Johnny Depp and it is impossible for anyone to take a bad photo of him’.
I’m very grateful for the exposure, but the trouble with having your photo taken for The Echo is that you always have to put on a beaming smile. Unless you’ve had your pension book or holiday money stolen, then you have to put on a sad, teary face. The photo needs to reflect the story. In the end I said to the photographer “Look, I’m just not that smiley. And the Blog… It’s not really smiley either. It’s just a bit pathetic. Can we just have one of me looking a bit pathetic. That’s what I really want.�
He wasn’t sure about this but eventually we compromised and took some of me holding three lever arch files that contain print-outs of all the Pathetic Lot entries up until now in one hand, and my laptop in the other, with a sort of confused look on my face, which was meant to convey ‘How did I do all that?’ They will use the smiley ones. Mark my words, they’ll use the smiley ones.
Then I recorded an inarticulate video interview which is going to be on the icLiverpool site on Wednesday. It seems like it will all add up to some nice promotion for this site and hopefully start it’s second year with a couple more bored devotees. It will be interesting to see what sort of influence it has. You will also be privy to what I sound like if you watch the video interview, laugh at my poshness, and point in horror at how I also manage to be untelegenic as well as unphotogenic. It’s a rare skill.
I came to the conclusion that just speaking on the phone about my non-job, having my photograph taken, and then talking for a further eight minutes somehow constituted a day’s work and so I went to the pub.
“Oh, hang on� I thought. “I have to do something with the day otherwise tomorrow’s Blog entry will all be about the Blog, and people will assume that’s all there is to my life.�
“Nah, you’ll think of something else to write about.� Said my brain.
“Don’t be so sure� I said, finishing my pint. “I’ll probably end up just talking about going to The Echo.�
“Well, them’s the breaks. Fancy another? Kill me off a bit quicker?� said my brain.
“Why not, why not?� I said. “A Blog entry about the Blog could work.�
“Yeah,� said my brain. “Of course it will.�
Damn it.
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