I didn't mention yesterday how much I enjoyed watching the finale of the golf from Hoylake. I didn't go in the end, having been told it's a million times better to watch it on TV, you actually see something. Tiger Woods was quite imperious and it was a genuinely touching sporting moment (sporting moments being more emotional to other, real moments to emotionally stunted people like myself) when he broke down in floods of tears having holed the final ball, in tribute and memory to his Dad who died recently. Call me soft - but it was touching. And he didn't just wipe an eye whilst smiling, it was full on waterworks for minutes, face in agony, clutching his girlfriend. Perhaps rather like a movie.
There's that tradition in golf that when you complete a hole, no matter how well you've done, you touch or tip or cap as the spectators applaud you. This doesn't happen in other sports. It would be good if footballers were made to wear caps and tip them to the crowd whenever they've made a pass, or a successful tackle, let alone when they scored a goal. If the crowd applaud, which they will at a well struck cross-field ball for example, you have to tip the hat.
Table tennis would be far harder and more entertaining if the players had to touch their cap whenever they hit the ball. And doing it in boxing would lower a fighter's guard considerably, making knock-outs all the more likely. Yes, cap doffing should be incorporated into all sports, and it sometimes infuriates me that I'm not Sports Minister and can't actively instigate such changes.
Golf is one of those sports where, like tennis, there's always someone who likes to vocalise their support slightly more than anyone else. In tennis it's the person who shouts "Go on [insert name of player]" the last, after everyone else has stopped, just to stand out. It doesn't help - the player isn't buoyed by this one extra shout from the crowd, if anything it distracts them, but they've come to learn that show off supporters are to be expected and have probably adapted their mental game accordingly. In golf it's the bloke (always a bloke) who shouts "Get in the hole!" immediately after a shot has been taken, long before it's possible to chart the flight of the ball and, not having Darth Vader like powers, long after the course of the ball can be influenced. Quite often they'll shout this when the golfer isn't even aiming for the hole, showing themselves up to be imbeciles.
It's odd to think how rich Tiger Woods is. He's a billionaire, isn't he? He won about £750,000 yesterday for winning the Open and I bet he didn't even think about the money, only the victory. That's extraordinary wealth, isn't it? And considering golf is, although noble, rather a silly sport (all sports are silly when you think about them) he must sometimes sit on his jet, flying to and fro his vast Florida pile, and laugh his golfing face off. I'd be terrified that someone would take it all away from me, saying it was clearly a joke, you can't expect to get all that from smacking a small white ball towards a hole. And I'd probably feel like conceding the argument, agreeing that it was indeed stupid, but could I at least keep one of my cars?
There's lots of money in sport because millions of people enjoy watching people do something far better than they ever could. I can understand people appreciating talent, but it's odd to me that players are considered icons and heroes then you might expect human nature to simple feel jealously towards them - to hate them for being able to be so much better at something than you or I. Absolutely nobody watching at Hoylake begrudged Tiger Woods his £750,000 - they all felt he entirely deserved it for four days strolling around a gold course - when the vast majority of them will never have that amount of money in their entire lives. And I'm one of them! I think he fully deserved it. He's brilliant at what he does, and so he should reap whatever rewards are available, but it's strange we tend never to despise these sporting greats their immense fortunes.
I suppose it comes down to the sportsman's character. Everyone hates Joey Barton, the gifted Manchester City footballer, and it annoys us that he earns so much money. But Tiger seems a very pleasant, if somewhat dull, person who's just practised golf his entire life and we seem to think he deserves to be a billionaire because of that.
There was a funny commentary moment when Woods strolled up the 18th fairway, certain of victory. There was a shot of his blond, Swedish girlfriend waiting to congratulate him and the commentator said "And you can be sure of one thing, she'll be in for a treat tonight."
There was a pause whilst, I imagine, the other commentators and probably the director had a mild heart attack and he covered for himself by saying "Ah - I mean a nice meal. Probably a nice candlelit meal in their hotel. That's what I meant."
Yes, that's what was on Tiger's mind. A nice candlelit meal.
In other news, I went out to get in my car this afternoon and found it wasn't there. I didn't panic initially, because I like to be positive and not immediately always think the worst, but I was a bit irked. I started thinking 'Where did I have it last?', like a set of keys. But there was this empty car parking space and I did begin to worry. Then it dawned on me, and I put my head in my hands as I was clearly now the stupidest person in the world. I'd driven it into town on Saturday to do some shopping, got some stuff out of Evil Tesco's, and then got a cab home.
That's quite incredibly stupid, especially as I remember saying to myself 'remember you have the car' whilst I was shopping. I am an imbecile. So then I really did panic that it would still be there two days later and jumped in a cab. I told the driver about what I'd done and he laughed, saying it was certainly stupid but not as stupid as something he once did. Apparently he'd pulled into a petrol station, deciding to only but £10 worth of diesel in, dug out some coins, unscrewed the cap to the tank, and inserted the £10 worth of coins. They're still in his tank. He said he was mortified and embarrassed, with other drivers laughing at him, but I think it would have been great to keep your composure, calmly say "I've just put a tenner in" and driven off.
The car was fine, although decorated with a parking ticket. Will I ever become a fully functioning member of the human race or will I do stuff like this forever?
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