I was idly listening to the radio whilst driving today and discovered that the set had somehow become tuned to 'Rock FM'. I knew it was Rock FM because amazingly the name of the station is broadcast with the signal and it's displayed on the little blue LCD screen. I'd certainly not tuned to this station consciously, and I didn't like it instantly because they weren't playing rock music at all, but Ray Of Light by Madonna, which you could only ever describe as pop. Surely this is a breach of their licence? You can't go calling a radio station 'Rock FM' and then abandon all your long haired and smelly fans by playing commercial pop music in a desperate search for more listeners. They should only be allowed to play records by Meatloaf and Whitesnake, and if that results in them getting zero listeners, having all their advertisers pull out, and ultimately going bust, then that's their stupid fault for calling their radio station Rock FM in the first place. The idiots.
Anyway, the Madonna record ended and the presenter came on. I found him amusing because he was a really typical local radio DJ, really smarmy and clearly the boy at school that never got anywhere with the girls and so volunteered to DJ at the end of term disco. Where he found his power and vocation. I think we've touched on this theme recently haven't we?
He was blithering on about something and then said "And remember there are still two days left to enter our competition to have your car redone in the Rock FM livery."
Eh? Soz? 'Have your car redone in the Rock FM livery'? It seems that Rock FM are running a competition that allows the lucky winner the opportunity to have their car ruined by having Rock FM written all over it. Would this be the worst and most unwanted prize in the history of the world? I think it might.
But maybe some people might really want to have their car repainted to say Rock FM in big letters. They'd have to really bloody love Rock FM, and their pop music output, but perhaps those people do exist? You do often (though not so much these days?) see people who've chosen to advertise their favourite radio station with a car sticker in their back window, and this would just be a big perverse extension of that.
It would be funny if the winner of the competition had a complete banger, a wreck of a motor, all falling to pieces, and that became the new ambassador car for Rock FM. It would be embarrassing for them to know that their station is the laughing stock of the highways, and perhaps it would become famous along the roads of Britain and lauded for it's comic appearance? That might even do Rock FM some good.
The best thing that can happen for Rock FM is for Madonna to win the competition and have her car decorated with the station's logo - which would be perfect because seeing as Rock FM only play songs by Madonna it would encourage more people to tune in to the station if they see Madonna driving around in a Rock FM car, and therefore more people would listen and become fans of her inoffensive pop. If I was Madonna I'd be jamming the phone lines trying to win.
The only radio station I'd ever advertise on my car is Spar Live, the radio station of convenience stores across Britain. But because you can't pick it up on a normal radio, I couldn't advertise the frequency but just have a line that read 'Go to your local Spar now and listen'. Then there could be clubs that formed with fans of the station just gathering in their local Spar store and hence a beautiful community would evolve. All thanks to my car.
Sorry - I think I'm on drugs. What happened today? The World Cup kicked off, my friends, and I know some of you read this in the USA and so allow me to explain that this is a competition involving soccer that the whole world takes part in and is the best thing ever invented by anyone. You are playing on Monday against the dangerous Czech Republic at noon Eastern Time. So watch.
I watched the opening game in The Albert on Lark Lane - Germany Vs Costa Rica. The Germans scored two outrageous goals in a 4-2 win (this new ball is impossible for goal keepers) and it was just genuinely brilliant to be in the midst of a World Cup again. I know some people are dreading the wall-to-wall football over the next five weeks, but don't resist it - give into it. Everyone loves the World Cup, don't deny yourself the experience by pretending you don't. You do. Start off slow, just watch one match per day. Then build it up. Soon you'll be a four match a day freak of nature like everyone else, furiously filling in your wall chart. Join us.
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