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Stanley McHale is a single man rapidly approaching thirty who loves and dreams of the same things he did when he was seventeen. But the band was never formed, the novel never finished, and the ill-chosen career in stand-up comedy is giving him more headaches than headlines. With the self-imposed deadline of his thirtieth birthday to either make an international success of himself or go and work in Woolworths, why not pull yourself up ringside seats for the tragically inevitable descent into mania and psychosis by reading his increasingly inane, pedantic, desperate, harrowing and wretched daily diary. It'll make you feel a whole lot better about yourself.

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Friday 12th May 2006

Posted by on May 12, 2006 4:53 PM | 

I’ve eulogised many times about the importance of a man having a good quality local pub at his disposal, and recently the topic of conversation in that very pub has been of cafes, and how it’s essential to have a local one that sorts out your emergency culinary needs just as the pub sees to the drinks.

I’ve been eating very healthily of late, but only a fool would deny him or herself the joy of typical café fare once in a while, and by that I mean anything from a rack of toast through to a full breakfast. Sadly, and this is why the topic keeps getting brought up in the pub, Liverpool suffers from an alarming lack of these venerable institutions and the quality of life slackens off because of it. I don’t even HAVE a local café to call my own – and that’s no good at all. There’s one next to The Lion, and there’s Me Mams Kitchen down by the Travelodge, oh and a café / restaurant up on Bold Street that qualifies, but really – for a city – there are very few.

But this has changed with the opening of a brand new café called The Riverside Diner a mere five minutes walk from my place. Don’t be fooled by the word ‘Diner’, don’t be afraid, it’s still very much a café, and from my first visit today – one that will become a regular fixture in my life. The great thing about this place opening is that it’s located on the Dock Road (Waterloo Road) where once upon a time the whole place would have been awash with pubs and cafes, of which now only two boozers remain, and not one café. There might be a café about three miles up, yeah… I think there is, but for practical purposes this one is MY café.

I believe there used to be so many pubs along the Dock Road (the virtual eradication of the docks saw to them, obviously) that there existed a legendary pub crawl that no human could complete. God, the fun that could be had in trying though. I walk along this deserted road sometimes and try to imagine what it must have been like at one time. Mayhem, presumably. A lot of Irish about. That was one reason for the pubs, I suppose. Hundreds of thousands of Irish passed through the numerous dock gates on their way into Britain and the pub would have been the first stop, to try and make some connections and get a foothold. It was probably the last stop for many, too.

So I like to think of the Riverside Diner opening as nicely symbolic, the first green shoot coming up though the concrete. The Dock Road can never, ever, ever, ever, be the same again – because they’ll never be docks again – but at least a tiny breath of life is being breathed into it’s lungs again. And if you don’t think it’s possible to look at a café opening as being romantic, then you shouldn’t be reading. SO – what do they have on offer?

Well, a massive range on a scale I’ve not seen if a café before. Yes, the breakfasts are there (£3), the obligatory ‘mega’ breakfast (£4) and toasted sandwiches of all combinations involving sausage, egg, bacon, black pudding, tomatoes, mushroom and cheese (£1.80 - £2.00 for ‘mega’). Black pudding toasted sandwich, anyone? Genius.

But then you’ve also got an impressive array of home-cooked dishes, from lasagnes, to pies, curries, burgers, even quiche. All at old fashioned prices. This place is great.

I had the signature fried breakfast today having driven back from Blackburn because that’s what you have when you first visit a café that’s going to feature in your life. It’s like the opening ceremony ritual. If a new pub opens, you test it out with a pint of its ale, not a gin and tonic. The breakfast was fine and very good value, the tea served reassuringly in a big thick mug.

The workers currently filling in the Princess Dock (more Dock News soon, I promise) are big fans of the place and were there in force, woofing down fried breakfasts at 2pm. I sat with a paper, I think it was The Star, and opened it at a story about how workmen don’t eat fried breakfasts anymore, but prefer healthy options, full of fibre. There was a photograph of four workman sat around a café table wearing green high-visibility bibs with the words ‘Out’ over it, as if to say this doesn’t happen anymore. I looked up from the paper to see a group of four identical workmen, wearing green high visibility bibs, forking down great mouthfuls of bacon and sausage. It brought a smile to my face.

Perhaps these workmen are very healthy eaters, but were, like me, celebrating the opening of this new café by eating the unhealthiest thing on the menu as a kind of offering to the café Gods, to thanks them for delivering a new café in this health food obsessed desert? Yes, that is what they were doing.

Local deliveries are free if your order is over £5, so if you live in Liverpool please ring them on 0151 236 7070 and reintroduce yourself to the fry up. You deserve it. They are open Monday to Friday from 8am to 2.30pm, Saturdays 9am – 2pm. Not pushing themselves too hard there, but it’s a start. They’re also denying us our God given right to the 5pm breakfast, but there we go. Please support them just as I will. If you don’t live in Liverpool, have you not considered moving?

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