Neither dressed or left the flat today, embroiled as I was in reading the first draft of ‘It’ and taking a red pen to all the early chapters which are disappointing and are going to need a compete revision – as you already know all too well. It’s encouraging to know that there as many distractions to be found around the place when editing a manuscript (which I must start describing it as – it’s not a book at all yet, it’s a manuscript) as there are writing one.
The internet is a constant, obviously. It sits there quietly in the corner, toying with you. It’s saying ‘You can sit there with your old fashioned pen and paper all you like, pretending to work, but what you really want is right here. You want to have a go on Google Earth don’t you? Well why not? Five minutes isn’t going to hurt anyone.’
It’s evil. I’d disconnect it at the wall if I… could.
I’ve found the kitchen takes on a new and magical allure when there’s other things to be done. I’ll go to the fridge and have a good look in that every ten minutes. I’ll eat some of my pumpkin seeds. Ah, we’ve not covered the pumpkin seeds as yet have we? Seeing as I’m struggling to write anything about a dull day I might as well tell you about my dietary habits, which changed for the better quite considerably about two months ago.
I’ve been conscious about being a lot, shall we say ‘portlier’ than I ever used to be for a couple of years now. It started as a bit of a joke but it became who I am. You can only say ‘I’m getting a bit flabby’ for a few months until you are just flabby, no question. You’re no longer a slim person who’s put on a few pounds, you’re just flabby – full stop. It doesn’t matter what you used to be, we all used to be babies once, you’re now just flabby. So unhappy with that situation I’ve drastically changed what I eat and the results are starting to show.
I’m positive the only reason I ever put on weight in the first place is that my gradually slowing metabolism couldn’t fight the beer. I’m sure it’s just ale. Indeed for a while I switched from beer to spirits, Martinis especially, and the weight does go. But I can’t give up beer, it’s a passion, so I’ve had to work around it. The first thing I did was cut out carbohydrates, because they’re a pain. Just eat protein and you’ll be pretty ripped in no time, so I was told. It’s true in theory, if you were to eat nothing but chicken for a week you’d look a lot slimmer, but then that’s pretty silly and as soon as you dropped that regime you’d bloat out again. So I had to find a happy medium between not going crazy but not really eating any red meat, bread, pasta, etc. It’s really quite easy.
The struggle is getting enough fruit and veg but a smoothy a day helps and I normally have vegetables with my meals. Perhaps I should start making my own smoothies in a blender? I have a blender. It’s never been used but I have one… Hmmm. That might be wee project for the week. Anyway, so perhaps I don’t get the 5 portions a day they recommend (‘they’ being the fruit and veg council of Great Britain, most probably) but on the whole I eat very well now. I’ve always eaten pretty well, as I just naturally don’t like junk – even when drunk – which is very fortunate) but now I would please that woman on TV who looks about 70 although she’s 40-something and looks at fat people’s poos. I would be her model pupil.
What’s her name? Gillian something. She has this programme called You Are What You Eat and basically bullies fat and unprivileged people into eating pine nuts. She also looks at their excrement, and therefore so do the viewers. It’s appalling. Anyway, she’s meant to be a health guru but looks DREADFUL. A good letter to Viz said something along the lines of ‘If Gillian says we ‘are what we eat’, she must have been eating an awful lot of old trout’. Talking about this programme in a satirical way has become almost passé on the comedy circuit know from what I can see, every half-bit comic has a routine on it, so I’ll not expand on the subject, BUT – I do believe she’s right. I do believe what we put into our bodies is pretty well reflected on the outside.
I also do like to take care of myself, despite what anyone who’s seen me down The Lion might think, and so on top of a healthy diet I’ve also been taking lots of vitamins as part of a daily regime. I take;
1 X Multi-vitamin. I use Sanatogen Gold A-Z although I might change to a Holland And Barrett variety when these run out because I can’t help think the mass-market ones are probably a bit rubbish.
1 X Vitamin C, 1000mg.
2 X EPA Fish Oil Concentrate 1000mg (it says take between 1 and 3 daily on the bottle)
1 X Milk Thistle. This is for your liver. Every conscientious boozer should take one.
So that’s five tablets per morning – which I’m the first to admit looks stupid. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with me and yet I’m guzzling a handful of pills every morning like some LA weathergirl.
If it’s all a big con I’ll be the first to hold my hands up and laugh. It probably is. Do we need all these supplements? I’d say it’s unlikely. Did we take them in the 70’s? No.
But it’s a mental thing too – I like to think I’m giving my body what it requires to be healthy and that perhaps helps me stay healthy, who knows? What I DO know is that I found myself having to perform a particular task every morning after taking the Fish Oil Concentrate and eventually looked it up on the internet. It’s a very good laxative.
They are having a laugh with us, aren’t they? They must be.
This woman is 37. Have a kebab, love.
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