Friday 24th March 2006

The watch situation is spiralling out of control. I’ve managed to stop the audible alarms, but I cannot stop the vibrating ones, and despite being in a different room (a different FLOOR) to the watch this morning it managed to wake me up. It was on a table downstairs and had started vibrating, sending low, rumbling pulses around my home, and eventually getting into my head enough for it to wake me. This is almost worse than an audible alarm because you’re involuntarily listening to a kind of physical frequency instead of a beep and that’s harder to block out.

What am I going to do with this thing? I could bury it in a pile of cushions but the fact is I bought it to get some practical use from it – I want to wear it, not post it to Australia so as to never hear it’s infuriating rumbles or sounds ever again. But it would be vibrating in the hold of the plane and maybe those vibrations would spread to the body of the plane, increase, and cause it to break apart mid flight. It would be a bomb of sorts. Or maybe if it did get to Australia the vibrations would somehow enter the Earth’s core and still get back to me. This watch might bring about the end of the World.

Perhaps I’m being overdramatic. But it’s the most annoying thing I’ve ever been witness to. I could turn Pop Idol off. I can’t turn this watch off. It knows no mercy.

It actually woke me from a strange and interesting dream so I dislike it even more for that. I’ve been having quite a few curious dream recently. In this one I was at a school reunion, and all of my peers from school were there. What was odd about it wasn’t just that there were people there I’d long forgotten and somehow remembered whilst asleep, but that they had all aged accurately. They didn’t look like the 16 year old versions of themselves, they looked like the 29 year old versions of themselves. What would be really strange is if I ever met any of them in the next few months and they looked exactly like they did in my dream. That would be odd, huh?

“Yes it WOULD be odd, Stan. But it hasn’t happened, has it? So it’s not odd in the least.�

Imagine if I had managed to visualise people I used to know many years ago as they are now though. They looked pretty believable. They didn’t just look like 16 year olds in sensible clothes, minus a skateboard. They had genuinely aged.

“Again, that would only be strange if you HAD somehow done that. But you’ve not.�

Okay, I’ll leave that alone. The other curious dream came two nights ago when I dreamt I was sentenced to nine months (precise) in prison for tax evasion. I think this all links into the stuff I wrote about a while back, the basic premise for which was going to prison on purpose to get things done. But the prison in my dream was very lax, indeed I was allowed home at weekends. And the home I went back to was where I grew up so I think I was confusing prison with boarding school. Easy mistake to make.

Anyway, in this dream I was in the computer room area of the prison (again, I’ve confused prison with school) and one of the wardens set a trap for me. He put a watch down on a chair, which was identical to mine (not the vibrating one). So I picked it up and went to put it on when I realised I already had my watch on, and therefore this must belong to somebody else. So I went to put it back but as I did so I got nabbed by the warden and accused to being a thief. As I was protesting my innocence I saw my grandparents walking past the window, because it was visiting day.

“So you’re allowed home at weekends but still get visitors?�

Um. Yes. It’s a fictional prison in my dream, I don’t make the rules. So anyway the warden let me go and I wandered off to find the visiting room but I was new in the prison and didn’t know my way about. I soon found myself in the car park (!) and walked out of the car park and around to the front of the prison where all the visitors were filing in. They were checking people’s names on the gate and so it got to my turn and I said “Right. I’m actually a prisoner here. And do you know it’s really easy to get out?�

Then the same warden that played the watch trick ran up and said I was a thief and trying to escape. I said that I “bloody wasn’t, it’s just a rubbish prison.�

I think the long and short of it was I got to see my grandparents in the visiting room and I then went home with them for my weekend away, and remember saying to my family that prison’s alright and I’d never have to do my whole nine month sentence anyway. They said I would and I started to panic, not wanting to go back. Then I woke up.

“Brilliant. Thanks for that.�

It’s all I’ve got to write about! Nothing else happened today! I wrote a chapter and then went for cocktails at The Court with K and H.

“Write about that then, not your flippin’ dreams. I don’t know why I bother with this Blog, honestly I don’t.�

Don’t then. See if I care. That’s the trouble, you get something for free and then start demanding what goes in it. More dream nonsense tomorrow. So ner.

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