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Stanley McHale is a single man rapidly approaching thirty who loves and dreams of the same things he did when he was seventeen. But the band was never formed, the novel never finished, and the ill-chosen career in stand-up comedy is giving him more headaches than headlines. With the self-imposed deadline of his thirtieth birthday to either make an international success of himself or go and work in Woolworths, why not pull yourself up ringside seats for the tragically inevitable descent into mania and psychosis by reading his increasingly inane, pedantic, desperate, harrowing and wretched daily diary. It'll make you feel a whole lot better about yourself.

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Tuesday 21st February 2006

Posted by on February 21, 2006 4:56 AM | 

I’m glad yesterday’s expose of the stupid, short, unfamiliar actor Ben Kingsley’s insistence on being addressed as ‘Sir Ben’ has drawn some kind of response.

I’m very sorry to ‘Stark’, who sent two (count ‘em) comments to this site raging at Ben Kingsley, and in particular the actor’s recent egotistical nonsense. Regrettably, and I mean this sincerely, I cannot publish Stark’s opinion of Ben Kingsley because they were so full of passionate swear words I am not allowed. You see, this site is officially hosted by the Liverpool Echo newspaper and they can’t allow any poor tongue.

I say what I like, but I can’t say words like f*** or s***, otherwise they interject and put ‘***’ after the first letter of the still-obvious swear word. See?

This is annoying because Stark’s comments were funny and very true. It’s good to know that Ben Kingsley is hated so much by at least one other individual.

Then I got a more balanced comment from Jill, which you can see below yesterday’s entry. (Stop laughing, British people. Just because I’ve written a sentence which includes the words ‘below’ and ‘entry’ it does not make it rude. Why would it? You are idiots. Take a proper look at her entry – stop it - and tell me what’s rude about it? Nothing. But you saw the singular words ‘below’ and ‘entry’ and decided it was your birthright to make some sort of non-joke out if it, didn’t you? Like Sid James. Well there’s nothing funny about that sentence and you should all just grow up. Oh hang on… ‘under’….’entry’…? Oh I get it! Ooooh! Fancy!

Anyway, she writes;

Headline: Ben Kingsley pledges to help raise funds for Pakistan quake victims

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan (AP) — Ben Kingsley promised Tuesday to help raise funds to assist victims of a powerful earthquake in Pakistan last year that killed about 87,000 people and left millions homeless.

The 62-year-old British actor praised efforts by the Pakistani government to handle the aftermath of the Oct. 8 earthquake that flattened entire villages in Pakistan’s portion of Kashmir and surrounding areas.

Kingsley met with Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz in Islamabad, the prime minister’s press office said in a statement.

Aziz said Kingsley’s involvement would help draw the attention of the world community to the continuing need for assistance in rehabilitating and rebuilding quake-hit areas, the statement said.

“Sir Kingsley assured the prime minister that he would join the Pakistan government’s efforts to raise more funds� for those affected by the quake, the statement said.


Right. I’m assuming one thing right off the bat; that Jill has sent me this ironically to expose the idiocy and egotism of Ben Kingsley.

Whilst her comment under yesterday’s entry (stop it) doesn’t spell that out in so many words, I’m going to assume it’s a given, especially as her e-mail address is from Free Press, an excellent institution that I’ve failed to mention here before – so find it at www.freepress.org.

PARAGRAPH ONE; ‘Ben Kingsley promised Tuesday to raise funds to assist victims of a powerful earthquake in Pakistan last year, blah blah blah’.

He might well have tried to do that, but how is Ben Kingsley best going to raise funds? If you saw a sign in a shopping centre shouting “get your Ben Kingsley (him out of Ghandi and stuff), autograph here for £5� you’d ignore it. Or spit on it. Or grind it into the ground with your spiked heel if you were a lady.

He might go fund searching to his non-existent famous Hollywood neighbours. But he’ll not get the riches off De Niro or Oliver Stone. Ben Kingsley surely can’t possibly afford a home in those sort of neighbourhoods, having only been in one good film? No, he would have to knock on the doors of people like drug-riddled Anthony Michael Hall who used to be in teen films in the 80’s. Or search through the bins of Molly Ringwald.

He’s also too egotistical and tight to give away any of his own meagre earnings. So his fund raising capacity is nil.

NEXT!

PARAGRAPH TWO; The 62-year-old British actor praised efforts by the Pakistani government to handle the aftermath of the Oct. 8 earthquake that flattened entire villages in Pakistan’s portion of Kashmir and surrounding areas.

Do you know what? I could easily now praise the Pakistani government for handing the aftermath too. Do I get any free press out of it? No. For the record, I praise the Pakistani Government for what they did, whatever it was, HIGHER than stupid Ben Kingsley. So I am more worthy. Suck on that, Ben!

NEXT!

PARAGRAPH THREE: Kingsley met with Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz in Islamabad, the prime minister’s press office said in a statement.

Yeah, so the Press Office says. Shaukat Aziz didn’t mention it did he? Didn’t mention it in his Blog.

I reckon it was either Ben Kingsley’s stupid agent putting false reports out on the wire or Kingsley himself posing as a journalist in Pakistan filing a fake news report to desperately get himself in the uninterested papers.

And even if he did, meeting the Prime Minister is hardly the same as trying to pull people from the unstable rubble is it? Did Ben Kingsley, the egotistical non-realist, ever even go to the disaster site? Perhaps lend his crucial skills, as someone who can pretend to be someone else, to the good?

NEXT!

PARAGRAPH FOUR; Aziz said Kingsley’s involvement would help draw the attention of the world community to the continuing need for assistance in rehabilitating and rebuilding quake-hit areas, the statement said.

This is very true. The forty nine people in the world who know who Ben Kingsley, the unimportant actor, is will do their damnedest to draw attention to whatever it is or was Ben Kingsley is or was trying to highlight, I’ve forgotten.

NEXT!

PARAGRAPH FIVE; “Sir Kingsley assured the prime minister that he would join the Pakistan government’s efforts to raise more funds� for those affected by the quake, the statement said.

Look at the ‘Sir’ bit! He’s even insisted it gets into any journalism about him. Good Lord. Back to the paragraph... How is he going to ‘join the Pakistan Government’s efforts’? Seriously. What if they only offer him Economy seats on the flight from London, huh? Then what’s he going to do then? HE IS NOT GOING TO JOIN ANY ‘EFFORT’ BECAUSE

A) He doesn’t care
B) He can’t afford the air fare.


NEXT!

PARAGRAPH SIX; It didn’t say whether Kingsley had visited the quake zone or would travel there soon. Officials at Aziz’s press office weren’t available for comment.

Look at that.

So the big news is it’s not any news at all. He’s doing nothing. And that’s that.

Let’s hear it for Ben Kingsley! The most rubbish Knight of the Realm!

Thanks for that report, Jill. And thanks also to Stark for his furious tirade against the too-famous baldy idiot that is Benny Kingsley.

But why waste time writing to me? Why not write to Ben Kingsley’s agent, who’ll gladly pass on your messages that his short, bald client’s a disgrace to his profession and county - and the worst Knight of the Realm bar Brucie - at;

Chris Andrews,
ICM,
8942 Wilshire Boulevard,
Beverly Hills,
CA 90211, USA

I think it’s time that the six people that read Pathetic Lot make the world realise we’re not to be messed with.

Comments (7)

Liam wrote...

Where would the world be without 'celebrities' (word used sarcastically) to sort out our problems, lets hope Sir Ben tackles global warming and world hunger soon.

Posted by: Liam  | February 22, 2006 10:54 AM

Barry wrote...

LMFAO...Ben Kingsley (Sir) Currently starring as Office Manager in Stanley McHales new comedy, "Callcutta". Oh joy!!!

Posted by: Barry  | February 22, 2006 12:29 PM

Stan wrote...

He would never be cast in Callcutta. Never. Saying that, I might give him the smallest walk-on roll ever, less than a second, just to point out how insignificant he is generally. Innitially his egomania would make him turn down such a small part, but then his agent would tell him it pays £30 plus lunch and it's the only thing he'll get all year so he'll jump at it.

Posted by: Stan  | February 22, 2006 3:27 PM

jill wrote...

I'm glad the irony has been recognized and responded to with such vitriol. However, you still haven't said which role is Sir Benny's one good one. My vote goes to his stunningly nuanced portrayal of Cosmo in the Oscar-ignored feature Sneakers.

Posted by: jill  | February 22, 2006 4:36 PM

jill wrote...

and I'll thank you to refrain from making off-colour remarks about my entry.

Posted by: jill  | February 22, 2006 5:59 PM

Barry wrote...

You'll get him for just the price of a lunch and I don't mean anything lavish like a Moto prawn sandwich. In fact cast the prawn if you want a good actor. At least it could play pink and dead.

Posted by: Barry  | February 23, 2006 7:40 AM

jill wrote...

I swear, this is my last comment and last Ben Kingsley-related item, but honestly, this was too good not to post.

Headline:Ben Kingsley to appear in documentary on devastation caused by Pakistan quake

By Rod McGuirk

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan (AP) — Ben Kingsley will be featured in a documentary about last year’s earthquake in Pakistan that flattened entire villages in the country’s portion of Kashmir and surrounding areas.

The documentary by director Chip Duncan is being made in partnership with Relief International, a Los Angeles-based aid organization. Pakistan’s government also supported the project.

Relief International is worried that not enough food aid is in the pipeline for survivors of the Oct. 8 quake, which killed 87,000 people and left about three million homeless.

Duncan said he expected the documentary would be released on U.S. public television later this year. Excerpts will be used for fundraising, he said.

Kingsley, who spent five days in the Pakistan-controlled portion of Kashmir, told reporters in Islamabad on Wednesday that he would like to eliminate the phrase, “We must respect our differences,� from the “lazy vocabulary of political rhetoric.�

“We must embrace our similarities. We are far more similar as human beings than we are different,� the 62-year-old British actor said.
“When you see a woman crying because she can’t find her child under four million tons of rubble, that’s humanity,� he said, referring to the total mass of rubble estimated to have been created by the quake.

“We all have moms, dads, brothers, sisters and grandparents who we’d miss terribly if they disappeared in 26 seconds,� he added.

Kingsley, who was knighted by Queen Elizabeth in 2002, is popular in South Asia for his Oscar-winning performance as the Indian resistance leader Mahatma Gandhi in Gandhi.

One reporter in the predominantly Pakistani media crowd asked Kingsley if he had been in any movies since Gandhi.

Kingsley good-naturedly replied that he has made 40 films and has been nominated for four Oscars since Gandhi.

“But at least you saw one of my films, so I’m delighted about that,� he added.

Posted by: jill  | February 23, 2006 4:14 PM

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