So there have been arrests in the cash heist case. I’m sure the perpetrators know the game’s up. If there have already been (let’s assume) valid arrests, the ringleaders must know it's over. They’ll be full of dread right now.
Who knows, the main men may still get away with it. Perhaps it was even part of their plan to allow certain people to be arrested so to distract attention in some way?
Nah. That would be a rubbish plan. People would soon realise they’d been safraficed and spill the beans. Ah, but what if arrests were all part of the grand scheme, with those arrested promised a large cut of the loot in return for their time behind bars? If they’re convicted of minor roles, it might be worth doing five years in chokey if you’re family are going to be set up. Oh I don’t know. It’s not really my sphere. And why am I so obsessed with going to prison purposefully?
Apparently the Police already have a list of the ‘usual suspects’, because they feel there’s only about forty criminals in the country capable of doing something on this scale. If you knew you were in that select group, you’d be pretty foolish to commit any major crime at all, surely? They only have to figure out where each of those forty people were on the night of the crime and bish-bash-bosh, job’s a good ‘un. If you were one of the Usual Suspects wouldn’t it be more profitable to commit lots of medium-sized crimes and immediately have yourself discounted by the Police as a possible perpetrator because “that’s too small for me, surely Officer? I’d only attempt something far bigger as well you know. Ha Ha, you copper idiot! Ouch!�
It will be interesting to see how things develop. All power to the cop’s elbow, I say. I think it would be interesting to have everyone arrested within a week, which would be pretty spectacular going, just to laugh at this supposedly sophisticated military-procision gang who’d have put years of planning into this and say “A week? A week! You had the ready cash to fund the most full-proof escape ever and you lasted a week?�
I’m writing on the 25th and the headline of today’s papers said that police had found a van with £15 million of the cash in it. They’d just dumped it in blind panic, clearly. To be fair, it might be the best move they’ve made. It can’t be easy to wave goodbye to £15 million, but if they’ve made the decision rationally to ensure their success it could yet prove to be worthwhile. But I just smell in-fighting and fear, don’t you?
And we ASSUME this took years of planning. What if it was just a bit of a drunken bet? They happened to be a fancy dress party, and because of poor communication they’d ALL happened to turn up as Police Officers, and after a few too many lagers one said “You got a truck, Gary? I’ve got a blinding idea!�
Or perhaps they were just a group of dissatisfied male strippers all out of jobs ‘arresting’ groups of women having hen night’s before stripping down to a thong when they all, simultaneously, thought “the money’s dreadful in this job. £40 to be humiliated? God, £40 MILLION sounds more like it. How could we do that? Without going home to get changed?�
We should do a friendly spread-bet on when they’ve have the whole gang in custody. I’ll go for March 2nd.
Had a long journey from Manchester to Liverpool, Liverpool to London and then out to Bracknell, Berkshire, to do this afternoon for a gig.
The show was in a fantastic room called The Cellar Bar at the South Hill Arts Centre. It’s been running as a regular weekly comedy club for twenty years, the longest outside of London.
The audience were a dream. It’s a great gig. Why not become a comedian and then arrange to play it? You’ll never look back.
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