Out of my window I can see The Mersey and before it a disused dock. By ‘disused’ I mean it’s no longer used by boats, but is home to a lot of jellyfish in the summer. Other than that, it’s an empty expanse that serves mainly as an enourmous water feature.
Today I was looking out of the window when I noticed some large ripples moving away in ever increasing circles from a point in the dock where there had evidently just been some activity. I’d not seen anything happen, and to my knowledge there aren’t any fish in there, and by the size of these ripples it would have had to been one almighty fish in the first place.
I was puzzled by this and tried to think what it could have been but drew a blank. I’d almost forgotten about it when a duck appeared from out of the water, having obviously been for a long dive and probably causing the initial ripples as it went under. But that would mean that the duck had been under for some time and I didn’t think they were that proficient in submarine environments. So I watched it, hoping it would dive again. Then I could time it.
The duck paddled about for a bit before again going under the water and disappearing. I thought I might keep my eyes on the spot it disappeared and then, in my preliminary vision, notice where it resurfaces, to see how far it had travelled. My day’s are very empty. Anyway, after what seemed like quite a long time it still hadn’t come up and I began to feel rather uneasy, as if the duck was somehow in trouble. Ludicrously, I was starting to fear for the wellbeing of an aquatic creature in some water.
Still it remained submerged. I assured myself that it was obviously fine, it was a duck, but then began to imagine it having caught it’s leg on a discarded piece of wire or shopping trolley which had ensnared it. I started looking around the dock to see if it had resurfaced somewhere some distance away but no, it was still down there, in what I now took to be it’s watery grave.
It had now been under a very long time and, I can laugh about it now, I did begin to consider what sort of action you could take if you feared for the life of a drowning duck. Is there a special duck lifeguard? Would a duck lifeguard be a fellow duck or would it be a human who cared for ducks? I scanned the dock for signs of life but it seemed that some sort of 'Baywatch’ style fate had become my feathered friend. But in Baywatch, it would probably be saved by David Hasselhoff or Pamela Anderson but here there was no-one to save it – only one observer from a high window.
I did consider how you’d raise the alarm for a submerged duck, because I don’t think most people would fling themselves into the icy briny if you shouted “there’s a duck down there! A duck! Help! A duck’s in the water! For the love of God do something!�
Would there be a police investigation? And if so what sort of evidence could I give? “I saw the victim in the water.�
“I see. And did it appear to be in any trouble?�
“No. It seemed fine. It was behaving normally.�
“Like a duck?�
“Yes. Just like a duck. But then it went under.�
“And what did you do then.�
“Well, nothing. Actually I decided I would keep looking at the point it went under to see where it resurfaced. As a sort of experiment.�
“And why would you do that, Sir?�
“My days are very empty.�
“I see. And yet the duck didn’t resurface?�
“No. That’s when I started to think something was wrong.�
“And what did you do?�
“I… I did nothing. I DID NOTHING! BOOOO-HOOOO! I DID NOTHING!�
“Control yourself, Sir. It’s alright.�
“No it isn’t.�
“Is it Sir, because you see ducks can remain underwater for quite some time, looking for morsels to eat. You’re not to blame. But you are to blame for getting the police involved and wasting our time. You are an idiot.�
“But…�
“Look over there.�
“The duck! My beautiful duck! You’re alive.�
The duck did resurface eventually and I was slightly relieved. Then I cursed myself for being such a stupid person and comparing a duck to a human. The first person to do this since George Lucas made his best ever film, Howard The Duck.
And how far away from it’s diving point did it eventually resurface? About twelve meters. Twelve meters my friends. The big twelve. The old one-two.
“What are you trying to say?�
I’m trying to end today’s entry by making some sort of point.
“But you can’t can you?�
No.
“Give it up, man. Have some dignity.�
My day’s are very empty.
“I know. Now back in the box.�
Alright then.
“Good lad.�
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