Tuesday 27th September 2005

I’m getting quite fed up with being taken advantage of in public.

I consider public etiquette to be important – I mean things like not jumping to the front of a taxi rank queue, holding doors open, smiling and saying thank you, tipping where appropriate, managing to walk in a way that doesn’t cause others to suddenly stop or trip over you, gladly giving good directions, equally being courteous to tourists to create a good impression, not littering, not urinating, and not eating if it can be helped, which it normally can, not shouting, not catcalling, and definitely not spitting.

Just a few little basic ones there – not hardcore gentlemanly manners, just a simple level of courtesy that should, if universally adopted, make a walk around town or a trip to the shops a reasonably pleasant experience.

But people don’t have a blinking clue. Not an iota. The level of rudeness on the streets is quite capable of turning a quick trip to the shops into a thoroughly disheartening experience. Now, I know I’m in real danger of sounding like the Daily Mail’s Columnist Of The Year here, wishing for a Britain long gone, but I’m not.

I like modern Britain on the whole. I like the diversity. I’m amused at how quickly culture rolls on, taking up new strands and trends seemingly weekly – although obviously not always approving of it.

But there’s one thing that needn’t be left by the wayside because there’s no excuse or good reason for it to leave – and that thing is common courtesy. Three times in the last three days I’ve been the victim of staggering discourtesy. All three times have been at tills.

When I was in the Spar shop yesterday listening to Spar Live I went to the counter with a basket of goods, whilst at the same time a man walked to the counter a little way behind me with a bag of crisps. I was first in line, but seeing as I had lots of things, and he only had crisps, I said “Here, you go first, mate. I’ve got lots of stuff here.� A decent thing to do I think you’ll agree, but a perfectly natural thing to do all the same in my eyes.

The man gave me a brief nothing sort of look, as if I wasn’t really there, and took my offer without a work of acknowledgment or thanks. When he’d paid for his crisps, he walked back past me without a word too. That may seem like a petty, minor thing, and in itself it is, but what I can’t fathom is how someone is of the mindset where they think that little act of good grace doesn’t in some way deserve even a muted ‘Ta’. The prick.

Then later yesterday when I went to see Jaie’s band play, I’d been waiting at the bar trying to get served for a while in that rubbish Lloyd’s No.1 place when some bloke came and stood next to me. I again tried to get the idiot barmaid’s attention but she served someone else, a far more recent arrival at the bar. I tutted my annoyance. Anyway, then she walks towards me and I’m about to speak when the bloke beside me pipes up with his order. I looked at him and said ‘Oi. I’ve been here ages.’ And he just shrugged. There’s not a lot you can say to that without starting a fight. I just loathe people like that.

It might sound as if I’m some delicate flower that can’t take the smallest injustice and that isn’t the case at all, I shrug off virtually everything, but this is my real pet hate. People being selfish for no reason. People being unable to share or to find common ground or exist in the same space without competing. I find it depressing and a genuine reason to pine for simpler times. Not just because there were steam trains back then.

The Hat-Trick of selfish single-mindedness came today when I was in HMV. I was walking to the counter with a single CD (embarrassingly, it was the Mary Poppins soundtrack, I need it for the film) and arrived at the till at exactly the same time as another man. We both stopped, unsure who was first, and I – being the politest person in the World I’ve now come to think – indicated he was welcome to go ahead of me.

Now, he’s seen me with my one CD. There is only one member of staff on the tills, no other one’s free. And this is what he does. He says to the girl on the till; ‘Oh, um, hi, yeah….’ He’s got a stupid posh voice. ‘Um, I was wondering if you could, like, check out some titles for me? I’m not really sure what the name of the director is but it’s like this Japanese film. There’s about five I want actually, Could we do a search on the internet or on your database or something…?’

I stood there dumbfounded. This man had accepted my invitation to go in front of him whilst knowing full well he was going to be there half an hour.

I didn’t say anything. Technically, I’ve not even got an argument. But I went about five shades redder. What an insolent, pathetic man.

It’s all one big test of course. I could give up being nice to people because by being nice to people you tend to get trodden on quite a lot. But then I’d loose. I really, genuinely think it’s important you can hold your head up high in this world, and if I’m the only one who can, so be it.

No! There are millions who can, I do know that. Most people can I suppose. But it’s the thousands upon thousands of petty little people out there that really are a cancer. On the spot fines for selfish behaviour, that’s what I say. Fifty quid – now get to the back of the queue you dick.

Dear oh dear, this really is Daily Mail stuff – not even in a knowing way. I’m tired that’s why, ratty with the world. Been a long day on the film but the rough cut is now FINSIHED with voice over and everything except the opening bit in The Lion, but I’ll do that last. Must get some shut eye – do excuse the rant. I don’t hate you lot. It’s THEM out THERE that need to suffer. Suffer I say! And suffer long too.

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